Brayan

Brayan has lived here three and a half years. At thirteen, he is our oldest boy. Most of the time, he is a pretty happy kid. But, when he's not, it can be pretty ugly. That happened this morning.

Sometimes he gets really angy, but this morning, he just cried and cried and cried. Exams started today. It was time to leave for school and everyone was in the van but Brayan and he was in the house crying. Karen told me to go on without him. I took the kids to school and came back. I was leaving again to go to the bank and the market. I told Brayan I would be leaving in 20 minutes if he wanted to go to school. He stood there like he didn't hear, and maybe he didn't. The tears streamed down his face.

After I brushed my teeth and a few other necessary things, I went to see if Brayan was ready to go to school. He was still crying. Our counselor had arrived and she and I tried to console and coax and whatever it took. Dalys walked him to the car and we left.

I told him sometimes I get up and start crying like that; that sometimes everyone has a bad day. I told him we loved him and he could tell us anything and we would not love him less. I took his hand and prayed all the way to school. I did not shut my eyes.

I thought he was ok by the time we got to school. When he got there, he just froze. Couldn't and wouldn't move. I asked him if he wanted me to walk him to class and he nodded his head. I got out of the car and put my arm around him and walked all the way to the classroom. Just as we got to the classroom, Brayan started crying again. The teacher asked what was wrong and all I could say was we don't know. The teacher began talking to Brayan and walked him into the classroom. I watched for just a minute and turned to leave. The teacher and Brayan came walking out into the school yard. I left.

I know Brayan terribly misses his mom. Most of the kids do miss their moms. I don't know if this meltdown was related to visitation one week ago. Whether it was due to the stress of exams. If something had happened at school. Or at home, even. Or all of the above. Maybe Brayan didn't know what was wrong.

Brayan, and all of our kids, have lived through things most of us cannot imagine. They are separated from Mom. Surrounded by people, they are probably lonely. I did every thing I could do for Brayan this morning. My heart hurts when one of the children is so sad and cannot even express what is wrong.

When I got home this afternoon, Brayan looked like he had cried all day.

Pray for Brayan. And for all the children. Pray for us that we have wisdom to deal with these situations. Pray for us that we have compassion for these hurting little souls. And that we love them unconditionally.

Terri