Sweet Emma has a lot of fears and anxieties. She has what she calls her brave songs. They help her be brave. One of her brave songs has the words, " I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God." She really does get braver and lose her fears when she hears her brave songs.
When a person my age starts looking for a job, there are a lot of fears also. Simply applying for a job is drastically different than before I left for Honduras ten years ago. And, interviewing is not as easy either. Yes, there is a lot of fear there. There is also fear in knowing you have bills and you have to buy food. I have money for the next few months, but it is hard not to think, "what if I don't have a job when this stops?, What if...?, What if...?"
Now, I have my own brave song. It is "Wait Upon The Lord." I know God has this. I know that. Sometimes there is fear in waiting. God has this. I will wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord.
Emma and I can be brave together.
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
Adjusting To Life In The USA
I am too old to start my life over. But, sometimes, there is no choice. When I found myself moving back to the States, I eliminated every where but four places. Two of those were eliminated because there is no family in those two places. That left Borger and Baton Rouge. Borger was a safe bet. Baton Rouge had granddaughters. Even though they were the trump card, it was not an easy decision.
It was with fear and trepidation that I left Childress on a cold, cold morning in January. I got on US287S and headed to an even colder Baton Rouge. It would have been very easy to stay in Childress or head north to Borger.
There are many things that I do like about being back in the States. Worship. Variety of eating places. Nice highways and roads. Bookstores and libraries. Buying a different coffee creamer every time. Spring in the south. Oh my, I do love spring in the south. These are a few of my favorite things.
I am overwhelmed by the changes in technology. And, do we really need 1000 toothpaste and shampoo choices? I stand in the aisles and stare and wonder how I am ever suppose to decide with that many choices. Life is busier here. Life is different, That can be both good and bad.
I miss my friends, my church, the kids. Sadness overcomes me some days. Those days are getting fewer.
I don't like looking for a job. It is hard work. But that is necessary and, hopefully, looking for work won't last forever.
I do like resting and sleeping. Eating regular meals. Reading books. Taking walks. There was not much time for any of that while in Honduras.
I think I am adjusting, be it ever so slowly.
It was with fear and trepidation that I left Childress on a cold, cold morning in January. I got on US287S and headed to an even colder Baton Rouge. It would have been very easy to stay in Childress or head north to Borger.
There are many things that I do like about being back in the States. Worship. Variety of eating places. Nice highways and roads. Bookstores and libraries. Buying a different coffee creamer every time. Spring in the south. Oh my, I do love spring in the south. These are a few of my favorite things.
Banking and buying is so easy. Even getting my driver's license and registering my car was easy.
I am overwhelmed by the changes in technology. And, do we really need 1000 toothpaste and shampoo choices? I stand in the aisles and stare and wonder how I am ever suppose to decide with that many choices. Life is busier here. Life is different, That can be both good and bad.
I miss my friends, my church, the kids. Sadness overcomes me some days. Those days are getting fewer.
I don't like looking for a job. It is hard work. But that is necessary and, hopefully, looking for work won't last forever.
I do like resting and sleeping. Eating regular meals. Reading books. Taking walks. There was not much time for any of that while in Honduras.
I think I am adjusting, be it ever so slowly.
Saturday, March 10, 2018
My Stuff
I have always loved my stuff. Always. And, I have always had a lot of stuff to love. It might be a sin to love stuff as much as I do. I got rid of stuff every time we moved. But, sometimes, stuff accumulated faster than I got rid of it.
When I went to Honduras over 10 years ago, I culled stuff and more stuff. I looked at what was left and started over. I was so proud of how much of my stuff that I said good-bye to. I put most of what was left in a storage unit in Columbus. I thought it would be there for 3-5 years. I also have stuff other places, mainly Texas. I may never get it all to Baton Rouge.
In January, I opened my storage unit for the first time in 10 years. Some friends were with me. There were collapsed boxes, which was a powerful reminder of my collapsed dreams. The waves of emotion that rolled over me were dizzying. Hundreds of thousands of memories came pouring out of that storage unit and into my heart. I did not cry. At that moment. I waited until I had a car load of boxes and was in the car by myself. Then the tears flowed freely. I never even thought about how hard it would be to raise that door and see all that stuff
There is still a bunch of stuff in that unit. It is haunting my dreams. I know have to get rid of more stuff. It is emotionally gut-wrenching. Some things I look at and not only wonder why I kept it, but why I had it to begin with.
Some things I won't get rid of. Some of it, I don't have the emotional fortitude to even look at right now. But, I will. I will look at everything and touch everything and I will get rid of more stuff. Lots more stuff. Until I do, I guess I will continue to see boxes of stuff in my dreams.
When I went to Honduras over 10 years ago, I culled stuff and more stuff. I looked at what was left and started over. I was so proud of how much of my stuff that I said good-bye to. I put most of what was left in a storage unit in Columbus. I thought it would be there for 3-5 years. I also have stuff other places, mainly Texas. I may never get it all to Baton Rouge.
In January, I opened my storage unit for the first time in 10 years. Some friends were with me. There were collapsed boxes, which was a powerful reminder of my collapsed dreams. The waves of emotion that rolled over me were dizzying. Hundreds of thousands of memories came pouring out of that storage unit and into my heart. I did not cry. At that moment. I waited until I had a car load of boxes and was in the car by myself. Then the tears flowed freely. I never even thought about how hard it would be to raise that door and see all that stuff
There is still a bunch of stuff in that unit. It is haunting my dreams. I know have to get rid of more stuff. It is emotionally gut-wrenching. Some things I look at and not only wonder why I kept it, but why I had it to begin with.
Some things I won't get rid of. Some of it, I don't have the emotional fortitude to even look at right now. But, I will. I will look at everything and touch everything and I will get rid of more stuff. Lots more stuff. Until I do, I guess I will continue to see boxes of stuff in my dreams.
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