Thursday, January 19, 2017

A Cast Is An Humbling Experience

I have always claimed a dependency on God, family and friends.  That is a fact.  But, I am also extremely independent, or some may even say strong-willed.  I like to be able to do for myself and do it the way I want it.

Two weeks ago, I viewed this broken bone as a minor inconvenience.  A walking cast meant I could still get around.  And still do everything I needed and wanted to do.  A walking cast would not even slow me down.

Maybe that would have been true if I were 20. But, not when I am 60.

I was so wrong. This cast has slowed me down a lot.

I can get around.  I can get around easier than after my knee surgery last year.  But this cast is heavy.  I tire easily.  And, like it or not, there are some things I just cannot do. 

Baby Paigie was sick when I broke this ankle.  She had to be nebulized 10 or 12 times a day the first couple of days I was in a cast.  I felt Nicole had so much on her plate that I was not going to add anything else. 

It has been very humbling to say,  "I can't do this." or "I need help".  Or even more so to have to say, "I am just too tired to do that right now."  Or for someone to come down here for something and I am still in my shorts and t-shirt and 9:00 or 9:30 in the morning.

I am still trying to not ask Nicole too often as I know her plate is full.  She may not think that, but in my mind I think I am not asking too often.

I am learning to rest and be patient, something I needed to learn.

Be still and know that I am God.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Are We Making A Difference

Somewhere close to ten years ago, I made a decision to come live and work at Casa de Esperanza.  If I am perfectly honest, I had no idea what I was doing or getting myself into.  But, I do not regret that decision. 

I arrived to a bunch of broken, really broken, little kids. 

It has been a long journey, with many people on the journey with me. I have poured myself into these kids.  I have loved.  I have prayed.  I have wept.  I have been injured both emotionally and physically. 

Last year, 2016, was a very difficult year.  We faced a lot of problems with these kids.  I loved, I prayed, I wept some more.  I listened to the devil's lies telling me that I was not making a difference, that none of us were making a difference. 

I get to see these kids, especially the girls, at their stinkiest and their prettiest does not shine through very often. 

Tuesday, after I fell and Nicole was leaving to meet me at the hospital, she told other adults she was leaving because I had fallen.  When she got to the hospital, she said, " Mom, I think there might be a glimmer of hope for those girls.  They were genuinely concerned when they heard you fell."  I barely smiled. 

These girls have some extra work chores because of behavior and attitude.  They are working near my house.  Yesterday, some of them stopped at the door to ask how I  was doing.  Yesterday, was a really good day and I told them I would be up today either for devotional or lunch.  First thing this morning, I knew for sure that it would not be devotional. 

I started up for lunch about 10 minutes before 12:00.  The girls were just starting inside to wash their hands.  Two of them rushed down, put their arms around me, and we all walked up together.  They gave me some much needed support.

As I entered, two of the girls got two chairs, one for me and one for my leg.  One even ran and got a pillow and propped my foot up on it. 

We laughed and talked at lunch.  Then one took my dishes and carried to the kitchen for me.  Then they put my chairs away.

Two of the girls walked me back to the house.  I told them thanks and that I was really tired and I would not be back up today and maybe not tomorrow.  They said, "please don't come if it is too hard.

I was very touched by the concern the girls showed me today.

Are we making a difference in these kids lives ten years later?  I don't know if we are or not.  But, God sure is. 

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Humpty-Dumpty Had A Great Fall

Tuesday is my day off. 

Tomorrow the girls go back to school.  Sunday, I asked Nicole why don't we all go do something together on Tuesday.  We all agreed it sounded like a great idea.  We decided to go to Santa Lucia and the Valley of Angels.  That sounded great as long as I did not have to drive and did not have to think.

Last night, around 8:00,  the big girls came down to stay and Matt and Nicole took Baby Paige to the Emergency Room.  Nicole came down this morning and said she had to nebulize the baby every two hours.  She then said, you and Haley go on to the Valley of Angels.  Of course, Emma wanted to go, too.  She promised to be good.  I had visions of the theater, but I said yes.

I had to go to the ATM and Matt rode down to the shop where is car was being repaired.  We left Tegucigalpa about 9:30.

We were singing and laughing.  I taught the girls "Do Lord" and Haley and I taught Emma " One, Two, Three The Devil's After Me."  When we finished, Emma would say "again."  And we would sing one more time.

We went in a couple of stores and then walked through the plaza to Espresso Americano for granitas.  After we finished granitas, we were going in some more stores and then find a place to eat.  We were walking and talking.  Everything is really uneven.  I stepped out of my shoe and off the curb at the same time and ended up on my bottom on the street.  Both girls were screaming.  Quite loudly.  I was sure I was okay.  The screaming attracted a lot of attention and lot of people running in my direction.  Two people helped me up.  One kind soul let me put my foot up in his restaurant.  He offered us water and anything we wanted. 

I really thought my foot was better and we left.  I knew not to remove my shoe and I did not. 

We went walking slowly down the street.  With each step, my foot hurt more.  We went into a couple of more stores.  There is a high curb to step onto and most of the stores had a couple of big steps down into the store and I just could not negotiate the steps.  We slowly headed back to the first store where we had picked out a few things to purchase later. 

The girls were so concerned and held my hands as we even more slowly walked.  We made our purchases and somehow, I got to the car.

I called Nicole and asked her to call the hospital and see if she could make me an appointment with Dr. Ham.  She called back in a few minutes and said he would see me.  She said he just sat down to lunch.  He had taken his kids out to eat before they start back to school tomorrow.

I had to drive from the Valley of Angels and the girls needed to eat.  We stopped at Burger King near the hospital and ate.  Every time I got in and out of the car, my foot hurt more. 

The hospital parking lot was full and I had to park  more than a block away.  I hobbled up the hill with the girls holding my hands.

Matt and Nicole were on their way to get the girls.

Nicole was going to stay and drive me home.  I think I could have made, but I was really glad she was there.  The girls did not want to leave Grammy.

I had an x-ray.  I have a small fracture on my ankle.  By this time, I am being transported in a wheelchair and Emma is holding my hand all the way.

Unlike Humpty-Dumpty, Dr. Ham could put me together again with a  walking cast for four weeks and no surgery required.   I am very thankful for no surgery and very thankful that Dr. Ham gave up some time with his kids.  He just brought them to the hospital with him.