I have shared almost every emotion on this blog. I decided I was not going to post today. Not share the pain and sadness of March 12. But here I am anyway.
I do not like March 12. I wish it could be erased permanently. On March 12, 2000 our precious Ryan, our firstborn, was killed in a tragic auto accident. He was only six weeks short of being 20. A life so full of promise and hope. Big dreams. We were watching some of those big dream starting to come true. He was loved by so many, not only family, but a host of friends.
I don't do well this time of year. We were in Columbus over the weekend with our kids. When I am in Columbus this time of year, I usually have a complete meltdown. I did remarkably well this time. Eight years ago on March 11, we were traveling home from California. Since Marc and I were traveling yesterday, I expected to come undone at the seams. Again, I did quite well. I thought, and hoped, today I would hold it together as well. That is not to be. Some things are too painful. Some things never go away.
I never forget the life he lived and the joy he brought to others. And, I thank God for the almost 20 years we were blessed to have Ryan.
Terri
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4 comments:
Terri, friends are for sharing things with...the good and the bad. It's good to have this little outlet for sharing your feelings. I am praying at this moment, through my tears for you, that God will continue to heal this huge hole in your heart and that every year, it will get a little easier. No, you will never forget, nor should you. Your memories are what you have now, but one day you will be with your precious son again.
Love, Jeanne
Today in our office devo the gentleman leading the discussion used the word "graduation" to describe those who go on before us. Ryan graduated before the rest of his immediate family so he will welcome each of you when you "graduate".
You know you and your family are always in my prayers especially this week.
Love, Susan
Dear Terri,
I tried not to cry while reading this but your sadness and your loss overwhelms those that love you and your family.
I have been a nervous wreck all day long. Feelings of depression and sadness because I had you on my mind. I read Marc's blog and thought about the fact that the blogs seem theraputic for both of you. Praise God.
I would hope that I could say something that would help but the truth is that no words can comfort in a situation like this.
Describing your feelings makes others realize that you are trying so hard to have a break through in this matter. To heal a little each time you face this date but realizing that it is just too hard to ignore such grief.
I wish I had reached out my hands while you were here and said, "Let's pray about it right this minute" but instead I thought by just listening to you talk about it, that is what I needed to do.
Girl, listen I am praying for you now.
Tomorrow is another day. I pray that you will choose to wake up and climb the mountain instead of being in dark dispair.
I know you will find your joy again.
Love you,
G. F.
there's nothing like a mother's love is there? that makes it all the more painful when you're not able to wrap them in your arms anymore. i know that you have your heart wrapped tightly around him though and always will. and one day you will be able to do both again. i love you terri.
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