I guess March 12, 2000 was probably the worst day of my entire life. At 3:30 in the morning, someone knocked on our door and told us to go to the hospital. Upon arriving, we were told our soon to be 20 year old son, Ryan had been killed in a horrible car accident. I thought, I was having a nightmare. But soon enough, I realized it was no dream. It was a real true living nightmare.
Ten years is a long time. Sometimes if seems forever and sometimes it seems like yesterday. As a mom, it still hurts like it was yesterday.
I can't help but wonder what he would be, where he would be living. Probably Columbus still. Who knows? Without a doubt, he would be a wonderful, fun, and funny uncle to Haley and Camille. Probably have a wife and some kids of his own and would be a great husband and dad.
It is hard not to remember. Remember his huge smile. Remember his compassion for those around him. Remember eating at Little Dooey on the night of March 11, not knowing at the time it was the last meal we would ever share with him. His hug and smile as he drove off to Ben Curtis's house. It is easy to remember those good times and happy times. The images of the 12th, at the hospital, and the next few days have haunted me the last few days. My tears have been many and my prayerslong, deep and desperate as I seek comfort and to not remember some things.
I sit in a coffee shop in Tegucigalpa. I have tried to work. I have cried all morning. None of my family is together this year. I am in Honduras, Marc in Texas, Nicole in Baton Rouge and Nathan in Little Rock. And I forgot my phone this morning. I need to, at least, talk to my family. I am lonely today. And so, so sad. An indescribable sadness and loneliness. I know God is near and I know my family is with me in spirit, as I am with them. But I, we, everyone who knew Ryan, will always miss him.
Ryan, we always love you and know we will be together again some day.
17 comments:
Oh Terri, I am so, so sad that we cannot be there by your side and that you are all alone. Our hearts are heavy and the tears are flowing for all of our family for our loss of Ryan. I,too, think of what might have been. He is in our hearts forever and prayers and love are with you. I pray that our everloving God will lift you up and wrap his loving arms around you. We love you and we miss you.
Sue
Mrs Terri I can't tell you how much I think of Ryan. I can't imagine as a father now myself what y'all went through. I just want y'all to know how many people Ryan touched. I know I can't say it enough but I am truly sorry.
Ben
Praying for you today, Terri...that the good memories will continue and the pain will diminish.
Love, Jeanne
Many thought and prayers for you today ... my friend.
Much love too.
Trey
I hope you have many happy memories to
help you through this day. We're thinking about
all of you and are praying for peace in your
heart.
Love, Linda Willis
Terri, I don't know if you remember me, but we lived in Borger for 6 years, and you and I met at one of the Antioch retreats.
I just finished reading your post, and it breaks my heart to know what you are going through today...as well as the last 10 years. Be assured that many prayers are being lifted up for you and your family.
Gini Bortz
Love you Mrs. Terri! You and Marc mean so much to me and so many other people!
May GOD bless and comfort you as HE is using you to bless and comfort so many all the time in Honduras!
Terri,
My prayers are with you and your family. I miss Ryan and think of him every time I see Mark pop up on Facebook. I think about hanging out in youth-group with him and Billy...he will be forever in my heart! Love Amanda (Easterday) Ferguson
Love you Terri. Wish I were there to hold your hand and pray with you. Linda
I love you Mrs. Terri and I'm praying for you!
You guys are awesome. All of you, whether you commented on the blog or in my email. When I got home, after a hard, hard meeting at Rosy's school, to find all these thoughts and prayers with me, made my day a whole lot better.
Love to everyone.
Terri
Terri, Sue was my neighbor growing up and my parents still live across the street. I knew about your loss and I wanted to write you and tell you my heart hurts with you. I lost my sweet son 11 years back and it hurts every day, but those anniversary days are the toughest on the heart. And to be separated from your family would make the void of Ryan all the more painful. I would never wish for anyone... not ANYONE to be in this group we are in of mom's who have lost children, but sometimes, since we know there are others, it is helpful to know you are not alone in what you are feeling. Another mom truly understands and has been praying for you with deep love. I pray for your family all the time... my husband and I do missions in Mexico and your journey in Hondorous stays on our hearts. But during this time, especially this very day, I am remembering you often and asking God for His comfort to be ever near as you remember. What a beautiful homecoming we have coming... our Savior and our sons! It will be beyond description. Until then, I am so sorry for your loss and for your sadness... and most of all for that hurt in the heart that a mom feels that no words can describe.
In Christ's love,
Robin Robinson
Terri, my heart aches with you but no words can convey our love for you and the love of God. The loss is too great to ever go away but I want you to know I read your blogs and pray for you and Casa frequently. May God continue to bless you and your efforts. You inspire me. Thanks. John Zeller
i love you and am here if you need anything!
I am soooo sorry Marc and Terri. I cannot even imagine loosing one of my children or grandchildren. I am sure it is very difficult....but know God will get you through it all. Treasure the memories...it is all any of us can do. God Bless! Sharon Mc
Dear Terri,
I have not been on the computer enough today to check out your blog till now but all day today i said prayers for strength for you to handle the pain and sorrow of your loss.
I know you pray about everything.
May God help you today.
May God help you tonight as you try to rest so that you can serve another day.
Your example makes us feel proud to know you and be your friend.
love you sis (in Christ)
Hey Terri, I know I'm reading this a few days late, but I want you to know that you and your family have been on my mind and in my prayers.
"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."
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