Sunday, March 12, 2017


As I posted this morning on facebook, Ryan died seventeen years ago.  He was almost twenty.  It was a Sunday.  When March 12 falls on a Sunday, it is a bit harder than when it falls on another day.  I grieved hard on Friday and Saturday. 

Friday I was remembering leaving Lake Tahoe.  Then staying with good friends, Skip and Susan, in Antioch on Friday night.  We had so much fun that night.  Yesterday, I remembered leaving Antioch early and going to San Francisco for our flight home.  And traveling all day.  Arriving home in Columbus and being met by that smiling face.  I remembered eating at Little Dooey's and how much fun we had.  No one knew that would be that last meal we had with Ryan.  He hugged us all as he left to spend the final evening of spring break with friends. 

These happy memories caused a lot of grief.  The nightmare hours that followed I chose not to focus on, at least this year.

This morning I remembered Bob Hickman and Les and Phyllis coming to the hospital.  Martha and Julia showed up.  Some of the kids`friends began showing up.  This was in the middle of the night. 

Several people went home with us around 7:00 a.m.  Edna Cole came and took me somewhere private to pray.  By the time church was finished in Columbus, Mississippi ended, our house was full of friends, acquaintances and strangers.  It was comforting. 

Les and Phyllis and Mike and Martha stayed all day  until family arrived from Texas.  Our friends, our church and the whole community reached out to us.

I was comforted by all of that this morning.  How do people survive these things without God, family and friends.  I was comforted by the responses on my facebook post this morning.

We went to church and I was okay.  Not great, but okay. 

We have a group from Harding here.  A couple of the guys led some songs in English.  I teared up as we sang "When We All Get To Heaven".  What  a day of rejoicing that will be.  And we see Ryan again.

I managed to get it together.  Until it was time for communion.  I make a concentrated effort to focus on the meaning of communion. I did that.  But, I began to wonder, as I miss my son so much, how God could give up His only son for all of lost humanity.  His only son. I could never willingly give up one of my kids or grandkids..  Well, He is God and I am not.  I sat there knowing that God would have done the same thing if I was the only lost person on earth.  What a sacrifice that was. 

To be perfectly honest, I did not follow the sermon too closely.   I was still thinking about my son and God's son. 

Thanks for all your prayers and word of comfort.  They mean more than you will know.

No comments: