It Is Only A Table

In September, 2007, I wrote my very first blog entry titled "If My Kitchen Table Could Talk".  I have written hundreds of blog posts since then.  Now, here I am back to a table.  But this one is my dining room table.  I have had it longer than the kitchen table.  Every day life happened at the kitchen table.  Holidays and special events happened at the dining room table.

The table itself and six chairs were purchased in Amarillo.  Antique mahogany in poor condition.  I had them restored after moving to Lubbock.  While living in Collierville, a friend found a buffet to match.  It was in really poor condition.  I had it restored also.  Then I found a hutch to match that was in great shape.  This dining room furniture was not used as much, but definitely loved as much as the kitchen table.  Maybe more.

It has been in storage and I can't continue to pay storage on this furniture.  I am getting rid of it for whatever I can get.  There is other furniture too, but none as dear as this dining room furniture.  This is crazy.  I have wept over this furniture.  It is only a table.  And six chairs, a hutch and buffet.

I have so many things to be thankful for.  And, I know that.  And, it is insane to weep over getting rid of furniture.  Inanimate objects.

It is only a table.  But I sure hope it gets a good new home.

One Year Later

One year ago today, Casa de Esperanza closed.  It was a very sad day for everyone involved.  It was one of the saddest days of my life.  Like other big sadnesses, I thought I would never smile again, never laugh again, never find happiness again.  And, just like with the other big sadnesses, I learned to smile again, to be happy again.

There was so much fear, so much uncertainty. It was not easy to start over at my age and by myself.  But I was never alone.    The adjustment back to the States was and is hard.  It just seemed natural that I would go back to Texas.  Several people offered a place to live until I got on my feet.  I considered each offer.  But, Nicole sort of convinced me to come to Baton Rouge, especially after she told Emma that I was coming to Baton Rouge to live.

Baton Rouge was a good choice.  I would have been happy in Texas.  Or any where I chose to go.  I like Baton Rouge.  I like my church and my job.  I like being close to part of my family.

There are things I miss and don't miss about Honduras.  I do not miss the long lines at the bank.  You never even have to go to the bank in the States.  I don't miss the long drive back to the grocery store if I forgot something or just did not plan correctly.

I love worshipping in English every week, but I do miss simple church.

I do miss our long drives in the mountains.  I miss devotionals every morning with the kids.

I don't miss the never ending hours I was working.  I still work long hours, but not that long.

I miss coffee with Kelin on the mornings she worked.

I don't miss having to go to more than one pharmacy to get the meds that I or the children needed.

I miss the slower pace in Honduras, but love the franticness in the States, too.

And, I may never eat rice again.

As with every place I have lived, I left a piece of myself in Honduras.  I took a piece with of Honduras with me.  I miss friends, just as I do miss friends from other places.

No matter what I miss and don't miss about Honduras and no matter what I do and do not like about living in the States, I will always miss those children.  They all left big footprints across my heart.  I love them and miss them.  I am thankful that I can chat with some of them on Face Book, but it is not the same as their hugs and smiles.

I will be forever grateful for the 10 years I lived in Honduras.

Road Trip To Mississippi

Family is one of my biggest blessings.

Nathan and Julia and their kids are in Hernando, Mississippi for Thanksgiving.  Hernando is about 350 miles from Baton Rouge, but a lot closer than New Hampshire.  My kids, grandkids and I have not been together since April 20, 2014.  Nathan's family had not met Paige and Nicole's family had not met Thatcher.  Once I learned that Nathan's family was going to be in Hernando, I could see a road trip in my future and, I hoped, in the future of Nicole's family.  Unfortunately, Matt did not get to make this trip with us.  In late September, I scheduled a day of PTO for yesterday.  After Paige was in the hospital last week, I wasn't sure if Paige and Nicole would get to go.  But they did.

I have been excited about this trip for a while.  But Sunday, I kicked the excitement up to a whole new level.  "Going on road trip.  Going on  a road trip," I chanted and had the girls chanting with me.  Nicole gave me a lot of eye-rolls.

Tuesday evening I walked in the door chanting "going on a road trip."  Nicole said she did not want to hear it again.  Eye-roll.  From me to her.  I stopped for gas and Nicole went in to get a monster drink.  When she got in the car, the big girls said, "going on a road trip."  Everyone laughed.  And that ended the chant.  At least for a while.

We made a not-so-quick trip through the drive through at Taco Bell.  They be out of Mugg rootbeer.  We got in I-12 at 6:15 with Taco Bell in our hands.  Thirty or so minutes later we are getting on I-55 North.  Someone says, I know we are not even to Mississippi, but I need to go to the bathroom.  It was not one of the girls and it was not me.  It was that monster drink's fault.  I know where are the rest stops and good gas stations are.  I told her we would stop at the first rest stop in Mississippi.

Paige slept from Baton Rouge to Hernando.

We stopped north of Jackson.  What is a road trip without M&Ms?  Only the people that were awake got those and no one was allowed another drink.  Then another stop in Grenada for gas.  We got to the Day's Inn in Hernando at 11:45.  Haley and I shared a bed and the other two girls slept with Nicole.  When I got in bed, Haley said, "going on a road trip."  Haley and I died laughing.  And I could visualize Nicole's eye-roll.

Like I said a few minutes ago, Paige slept from Baton Rouge to Hernando.  She needed about forty minutes of play time before going back to sleep.

The girls rose early.

After eating the free breakfast at the Day's Inn and spilling orange juice and syrup, we were off to see the cousins.

We got to Julia's parents at five minutes after 9:00.  My goal was 9:00.

Julia's parents and I have been friends since our kids fell in love and I have always enjoyed being at their house.  We just felt so welcome there.  Emma Kate and Thatcher became immediate friends.  The kids played outside.  Inside.  Outside.  There was visiting, eating, laughing, eating.

Martha had really good soup for lunch.  Then Nathan, Julia, Nicole, the five kids and I went to the movie to see "Ralph breaks the Internet."  It was a really cute movie.

We went back to Martha's for dessert and pictures.  I had hope to be headed back to Baton Rouge by 3:00, but we left at 4:00.  I am thankful for that extra hour.

Haley cried.  She said it had been so long since she had seen Camille and it was so short.  Emma Kate behaved as she does when she is said.  And Grammy might had had a tear or two.

Julia's dad and I agreed that we would probably make our first stop at Grenada or sooner.  Thankfully, we were wrong.  I got to Canton.  We stopped for gasoline, food, potty.  One stop does all this time.  We decided to eat inside instead of the car.  We need a break.  And, did we ever get one.  That fast food place was not fast at all.  It was a long break.  I was so tired.  I went to get some coffee at the c-store and they were out of coffee.  I was thinking I would have to make another stop, but I didn't.  I pushed through.

We got home at 10:00.  I was so tired.  I was exhausted.  But being with my family was worth every second of being tired.  I would turn around do it again today if I had to.

It was an awesome seven hours.

I hope we don't have to wait another four years, seven months and one day to be together again.

I am so thankful for this time for my family to be together.

Come Thirsty

The first time we fed at the dump, we noticed how thirsty people were.  Some wanted water more than the food.  When we started feeding under the bridge, people wanted something to drink.  And, in this heat, needed something to drink.  Today with lunch I had sweet tea.  Then I mowed the yard in this thousand degree Baton Rouge heat.  I did not want tea when I finished.  I craved water.  I drank a lot of it and am still drinking water.  It is hard to get quenched.

I know physical thirst, and  I know true spiritual thirst.  Do I yearn to be quenched deep in my soul as I long to be quenched physically after I mow the yard?  Jesus promised if I drink of this living water and let it quench my soul that I will never thirst again.  I usually just take a little gulp of Jesus as I need it, enough to keep from dying.  I need to drink long and deep and let Jesus fill my soul and never thirst again.  That sounds so easy.  Why then am I thirsty and yearning so much of the time?

Scars

My body has many ugly scars. They are not as red and ugly as they once were, but they are still there.  Time has erased and will continue to erase some of the ugliness.

Some of these scars are due to my own clumsiness.  Most are remains from many surgeries.  A couple of the surgeries relieved some intense pain.  I remember feeling better immediately after surgery.  Even the pain from the surgery was not as bad as what had been there previously. 

There is a fair-sized indentation on my left breast.  It is very ugly and will never completely fill in.  I had a lump removed.  Thankfully, it was benign, but who knew that until it was removed.

My stomach is covered with hideous scars.  Two major surgeries.  Two major emergency surgeries.  Both surgeries were needed to save my life.  Daily, those scars remind me that I have life, that I was spared to enjoy life.  To live in God’s will.  To continue to enjoy my family and friends.  I am thankful for life and thankful for those scars.

The scars on my body are visible.  The scars on my heart are not so visible, but they are still there.  There are several of them, just as there are several on my body.  Again, some of those scars are due to my own clumsiness.  And, just as there is an indentation in my breast, there is an indentation in my heart from the loss of my son.  Some things just never completely fill in. 

There are also big scars, hideous scars on my heart.  Some people may say that those scars have saved my emotional life or my spiritual life.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Because those scars exist I have life: physical life, emotional life and spiritual life.  I have life because of Jesus Christ my Lord.  He has carried me through everything I have ever faced.  He will continue to lead me through everything I will face in the future.  

And, speaking of scars, I have life, eternal life.  And He has the scars to prove that.

July 4

July 4 (Independence Day) is one of my favorite holidays.  As a child, this summer holiday was usually spent with extended family.  And, usually involved food, fun, and fireworks as well.  These are very sweet memories.

July 4th was often spent the same way when my kids were little.  We have seen fireworks over Lubbock, Memphis, San Francisco, St. Louis and West Point, MS.  There was another adventure in Lubbock.

The last time I was in the USA for July 4th was 2007.  I missed not being here every single year.  I am so happy to be here this year.   We will have family, friends, food and fun.  No fireworks this year.  And, maybe we will all be inside all day tomorrow as rain is in the forecast.  It doesn't really matter.  We will have a lot more food than guests.  We will have food for our lunches the rest of the week.

I hope everyone has a fun and safe 4th.

Awards Ceremonies

This morning was the awards ceremonies for Haley and Emma Kate.   And, then school was out for the summer.  This was one of the sweetest awards ceremonies I have ever seen.

There was not a bunch of awards.  Instead each teacher thought of one character trait to describe each child.  I could tell the girls' teachers put a lot of thought into this for each child.

Haley's character trait was tender-heartedness.  That perfectly describes Haley.  She also got the academic excellence award for having the second highest average in 3rd grade.  She had a 97 point something.

Emmie's character trait was love.  That, too, perfectly describes Emma Kate.  She also got perfect attendance.  She was the only in her class that had perfect attendance.  We were surprised about that.  We did not even realize that Emma had had perfect attendance  Being on time or not on time  does not count against perfect attendance.

On the way home, Nicole said that considering what all they had been through this school year, she would give them the resilience award.  I looked at her and said, " them, yes.  Us, no".  We laughed.

Since they were dressed up for awards day and it was the beginning of summer vacation, I told them to kick off their Sunday shoes.  I then added to kick off their Sunday shoes in their bedrooms.

So proud of these two.